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Comrade, the pronouns you are looking for are any/all. I know lots of nonbinary people who have that listed as their pronouns. Everyone I know understands those pronouns represent a flexible and nonspecific attitude towards one’s own gender, and they aren’t a dogwhistle or anything.
Also if you want to understand your gender identity better I know some queer discord servers that help questioning people. And comrade, it is plain to see you are questioning so hard you might as well be dressed as the Riddler.
That’s an awfully binary way of looking at things. You’re talking as though boobs and lipstick, or he/him, are the only two options. Don’t you know there are thousands of tall, broad-shouldered, unfeminine genders? You could have xe/xim if you wanted. I don’t mean to imply that you do, but you’re clearly unhappy with he/him in some way. You shouldn’t assume you only have two choices. You’ve got billions of choices.