You can start by doing pushups on your knees rather than your feet, makes it easier to begin.

What does the color coding signify?

I find that a good therapist can help you get out of mental traps and reframe negative self talk. They can also help give you tools and strategies to avoid self destructive behavior. As for the right one, people are all different and I think it takes the right compatibility for therapy to be productive. Have you ever tried EMDR? Not sure what your specific baggage is but while I found it weird, it’s evidence based and it did help me.